Dear FlyLady,
My friend was murdered back in October leaving behind 5 children and a husband. She and I had both created our household notebooks using your Control Journal as a guideline. We often brought our notebooks out reviewed them together, going over meal plans, finances and other things from time to time.
After she died, her husband called me and asked if I knew which bills she had paid before she died. I told him about the notebook and that if he looked under "bills" he would find a list. On the list every bill that was due for 3 months would be on there. If it was paid, it would be crossed out and the amount paid would be written next to it in the space she labels "paid" and then crossed out once it was mailed/ paid. Also, she had a section for accounts and contact numbers for each account, when it was due and how much she owed each month and the total amount due (revised every 3 months). Along with notes about who she talked to and when, what was said and the results of the call.
She also had her menu plan for each month with each recipe and what was needed for it for every meal and for snacks. She had a monthly grocery list for that month and the next all ready to go.
She had a section for everyone's birthdays, including the kids, with sizes, favorite books, favorite toys, and hobbies. What she bought the year before and how old they would be this year.
She had a section for just about everything and kept up with it very well. She even had a list of where she kept her last will and testament and any legal documents like Social security cards, etc.
That notebook became so vital in helping him become independent and learning to live without her, since she was his everything. She even started a section a section for where to find letters. She wrote a letter to people, starting with her children and him, labeled "If you get this, I am gone." and telling them what they meant to her. I didn't know about that section. I was next on the list so I never got a letter, but we talked daily and sometimes it turned to how we had changed each others lives and what we meant to each other. So I already know. But I loved the idea anyway and am starting my own section.
If this email helps with anything, I hope it will stress the importance of a control journal and how it will help our loved ones after we are gone. I learned from this situation how vital this one little notebook can become... and here I thought I was just getting organized.
Since her death, I have renewed my vow to myself to update my Control Journal starting now and to spend a day or three every 3 months updating it so when it is my time to go, I will not leave behind a path of confusion. She was so young when she left us and no one ever thought that she would be gone so soon, but luckily for her family, she thought WAY ahead and made the process somewhat smoother for everyone involved. For the longest time we thought it was silly and made jokes about it, but I joke no more. If anyone asks why I have the notebook, it not JUST for organization, it is because I want my family to know what is going on when I die.
Missing her in TN
Proud of my notebook now and not afraid to say it either!
I don't have a Control Journal like Flylady recommends. But I do think it is important to have things set up so that the surviving spouse knows what is going on in case of death. Wayne and I need to share some passwords!
FYI--You asked if it was OK to repost from the flylady's blog--I believe that typical blog etiquette is that you just post a link on your blog to the article of interest on their blog. If you would like to republish something entirely, then usually you just send an email and ask the original author's permission first.
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